Okay, so God is leading me. I am following Him. I am doing all that He is asking me to do. But there is this time lapse thing I just don’t understand. Well, I do, but it is frustrating. Let me back up a little bit and bring you up to speed on what God has been and is doing in my life.
In December of 2011, I did a lot of deep praying/listening to God. He made it very clear that I needed to write. I needed to put my weight, my health, under His control. So, being the good daughter that I am, I started to do both of those things. And being human, I find myself under stress, no time to write, no time to exercise the way I need to, no time to pray deeply. But I keep plugging away. I keep trying. I keep reading and talking to Him when I can. But most importantly I listen to Him. And I hear Him very clearly. He is preparing me.
In the midst of all of this, I am finishing a masters degree in special education. I chose special education because I was to afraid to apply to a prestegious university’s writing program. I was afraid they would reject me even though God was telling me to “go for it”. The degree in special education was the easy way out for me. It was safe, close and at my alma mater. There have been times I have thought about stopping, but I want to finish this degree. I am a year out from completing this program. I sat down and had a heart to heart talk with God. The answer I received was something like this, “You can finish this program, but you have to write. I have something more for you to do.”
I am to write. I am to speak. And …. well, that’s just it. I don’t know what the And is. I do know that He is moving me in a way I cannot explain clearly. This is not the same as before in my life. I feel the moving in my spirit. I feel the moving in my life. I see it in the people I am being surrounded by, but I don’t know for what purpose. Every other time in my life I knew the calling God had for my life. And while I believe I am being prepared to be a writer and a speaker, I believe He is preparing me for something more.
And this is the cool thing. I am unafraid. I am patient. I know it will happen. I do not doubt God’s ability to radically change my life. For the first time in my 44 years of life, I am ready to start and finish something God has planned for me. I am being prepared.