Doing It Again

So I am walking and talking to God this morning, and I realize it has been a long time since I have had a deep meaningful, give and take conversation with Him.  I apologize.  I ask for forgiveness.  He simply asks me, “Are you doing what I have asked you to do?”  There is no condemnation in the question.  There is no expectation that I will feel guilty.  There is no ‘attitude’.  It’s just a question for me to ponder.  But I say to Him, “No.”

It is then I realize that while I have given my last hold out, my health, over to Him, I have slipped.  Food has been and will always be an issue for me.  I see it, I want it, I have to have it … NOW.  It doesn’t matter if I am hungry or not.  And lately, I have fallen into the mind-trap of, “I just rode 22 miles this morning, I can have ______________ to eat.”  (Fill in the blank with any food you love, but shouldn’t have every day.)

Some of my favorite foods.

Because I am not taking time to be with my best friend, God, I am not focusing on what is really important in my life.  I am derailing myself.  So this morning, after my walk, before showering, or getting on the scale or eating breakfast, I am writing.  This is what God is calling me to do with my life.  I am no longer afraid of the ‘what ifs’.  That’s not the problem.  It is balancing being a graduate student,  being a mother, being a wife, a new career move, my health, and my faith.  Notice my faith is last.  That is where I have placed it, and yet it should be the first.  My time spent with God should be at the beginning.  Once I place God where He should be, everything else will fall into place.

I should know this by now.  I’m a mature Christian.  I’ve done this act before.  I am so glad that my Lord knows me and loves me so completely.  I am glad that I can sin, receive true forgiveness.  I am glad that while I don’t always learn from my mistakes, I can continue to move forward in my life, and God will always be there to guide me.

He’s waiting for you too.  Take some time today to listen for His word in your life.

On the Cusp

I am on the cusp of a new life.  I can feel it deep within me, bubbling to the surface.  There are dreams/goals that are finding their way up to the front again.  As I am on this journey to lose weight I am finding who I want to be once again.  To lose weight I joined Fitness Express, saved up my money so I could then begin Total Solutions, a weight loss program offered at Fitness Express.  It is not just about losing weight.  It is about changing the thinking in my brain.  Every week I am sent “Life Success” issues to read, listen to and write about my goals.  At the same time, I am doing a study with WOW (a women’s group at my church) called Hearing the Voice of God.  And the two are converging.  “Life Success” is helping me to stop and slow down and reach deep within me to find what I really want to do with my life, while Hearing the Voice of God is refining my ability to listen and hear God’s voice within my life.

So you ask me, “Jozett, what are your goals … your dreams?  What is God calling you to do?”

Write.  Write.  Write.  It is in my writing that I connect with God.  My goal is to have a manuscript written within the next 5 years.  I want to be a speaker.  I want to do public speaking.  I’m not sure about what yet, but I know I am being called to do this.  I have love and hope and grace and strength to share with people.  I have a story to tell, and I want to tell it.  The more I pray and write and lose weight, the more I am aware that God is calling me to do and be more than I am right now.

Before when I would think about these dreams, I would be terrified and run the other way.  I am tired of being terrified.  I am tired of running away.  I want to experience the full blessings God has for my life.  This means I must take more time to be with Him, listen to Him and follow Him.  I know for some people my next statements sound silly, but here it goes.  I have used eating and my obesitiy as a way to rebel against my Father.  I was not giving HIm all of me.  I wanted control of something, and this was my control.  It’s now in His hands.

How do I know that I have given this all over to Him?  For 2 days in a row, I was handing out cupcakes, cookies and popcorn to my students.  Not once did I lick my fingers, take a bite, or try a dessert.  In the past, I would have devoured 4 or 5 of these tasty treats with my students.  In my room I have hard candy to give as treats for my students, and I do not eat them.  And guess what, I haven’t craved any of it.

This past week, I have been on the fasting phase of this program.  It is a very limited diet meant to speed up my metabolism.  My first thought when I saw this was, “I am not going to make it.”  But the thought that replaced it was, “I can do this with my eyes on God.”  In all of my prayers, I keep hearing very clearly, “Be obedient and you will be blessed.”  I am being obedient.  This time I know the blessings He has for me are more than I can even imagine.  I can feel it deep, deep within my soul.  I am no longer afraid of the dreams God has placed in my soul.  They are His dreams too.  There can be no failure when He is in charge!!




Spinning into God

I love my spinning class.  Yesterday I was looking down at the rotating front silver wheel of the LiveStrong stationary bike I was riding, and I realized why I felt so close to God.  While I am riding, I don’t have to think.  My mind thoughts begin to dissolve, and all the outworldly parts of me are stripped away.  What is left is my soul ready to talk to and listen to God.  I am left with no thoughts.  My mind is clear.  There are no worries.  There is no “to do” list.  It’s just me and the silver tire rolling.

It’s in the quiet that I meet and find God.  He is powerful and joyful and gentle.  I am surrounded by love and grace.  There is nothing better than sitting at the feet of my Lord.  It is in this moment I understand that I am a child of God.  He loves me unconditionally.  He wants to bless me.  He wants me to attain what He has planned for me.  And in that small quiet moment, I am ready to do all He has for me to do.

Then I am pulled back into my class, moving onto the next phase, holding onto the remenants of the still, quiet space of God.  I hold onto it as I move through my day.  I remind myself that God is in all that I do and don’t do.  It is time that I step out and complete the tasks God has for me to accomplish.  Thank you Lord Jesus for saving me and providing me grace.  May I share that grace with others.


Today was a wonderful day.  I started off working out at Fitness Express.  I wrote about it under Healthy Revolution.  But here I am now getting ready for bed – later than I wanted to be, but that’s okay.  I talked with a good friend tonight.  As I was listening to her, I realized how much I missed her.  She lives quite a ways away.  She’s one of those very close friends that I can share all my TMI’s with and not worry about what she will say or think.  I miss calling her up and getting together and just hanging out with her.  I have friends, but I have very few close friends.  There are few people who know everything about what I went through with being a birth mother or being a step-parent.  There are few people I share my deepest feelings with and I realize I need to begin to change that.  I need to reach out and talk with people I want to have as friends.  I need to call them and hang out with them.  I need to share who I am, but I do not want to be hurt.

And this leads to my relationship with God.  I don’t want to be hurt.  God never garaunteed me I wouldn’t be hurt.  In fact Christ clearly says in Luke 21: 12 & 17 But before all these things, they will lay their hands on you and persecute you, delivering you up to the synagogues and prisons.  You will be brought before kings and rulers for My nmaes’ sake.  And you will be hated by all for My name’s sake.

But I forget that it is not God who hurts me.  When I do what God asks me to do, I end up putting myself out there.  And inevitably I am hurt, but not by God.  In fact God is waiting for me to come to Him about all that is happening in my life.  He is waiting for me to listen to Him and the promises He has for me.

I forget that my relationship with Him is two way.  I must seek Him out.  He is already there waiting to hear me.  It is I who must stop to listen for Him.  And of course, I always need to read the next verse because it clearly says, But it will turn out for you as an occasion for testimony, & verse 18 But not a hair of your head shall be lost.

Do you find yourself doing the same thing?  Do you find yourself forgetting the relationship that God is offering?  Do you forget that He has a message for you?  Do you forget that He wants to bless you abundantly?  I do.  I am ready for a revolution.  I am ready to remember His promises for me.  I am ready to put my Lord and Savior first.  That means everything I do, I must do for the glory of God.  I must hand everything over to Him.  He has my life.  That’s easy.  The hard part is handing over the living of my life!!