Doing It Again

So I am walking and talking to God this morning, and I realize it has been a long time since I have had a deep meaningful, give and take conversation with Him.  I apologize.  I ask for forgiveness.  He simply asks me, “Are you doing what I have asked you to do?”  There is no condemnation in the question.  There is no expectation that I will feel guilty.  There is no ‘attitude’.  It’s just a question for me to ponder.  But I say to Him, “No.”

It is then I realize that while I have given my last hold out, my health, over to Him, I have slipped.  Food has been and will always be an issue for me.  I see it, I want it, I have to have it … NOW.  It doesn’t matter if I am hungry or not.  And lately, I have fallen into the mind-trap of, “I just rode 22 miles this morning, I can have ______________ to eat.”  (Fill in the blank with any food you love, but shouldn’t have every day.)

Some of my favorite foods.

Because I am not taking time to be with my best friend, God, I am not focusing on what is really important in my life.  I am derailing myself.  So this morning, after my walk, before showering, or getting on the scale or eating breakfast, I am writing.  This is what God is calling me to do with my life.  I am no longer afraid of the ‘what ifs’.  That’s not the problem.  It is balancing being a graduate student,  being a mother, being a wife, a new career move, my health, and my faith.  Notice my faith is last.  That is where I have placed it, and yet it should be the first.  My time spent with God should be at the beginning.  Once I place God where He should be, everything else will fall into place.

I should know this by now.  I’m a mature Christian.  I’ve done this act before.  I am so glad that my Lord knows me and loves me so completely.  I am glad that I can sin, receive true forgiveness.  I am glad that while I don’t always learn from my mistakes, I can continue to move forward in my life, and God will always be there to guide me.

He’s waiting for you too.  Take some time today to listen for His word in your life.

  Fog

     I was on the bike path following the Mississippi River, and there was this thick fog hovering over the top of the Great Mississippi.  The fog’s tentacles reached out to the bike path trying to lure me into the river.  Fog is an amazing thing.  I’m on one side of it and can see clearly, right up to the fog.  I mean everything is crystal clear, but when I try to look into it or through it, I can’t see a thing.  I know that Iowa lays on the other side of this fog.  I’ve seen the banks of the Iowa side millions of times before this, but I have been separated, cut off.  It’s like looking into a white abyss.  I have to remember and believe what I know to be true, like knowing and believing in God.  You don’t always see Him, but He’s there.  He will never lead me down a wrong path or turn. 

     Sometimes when God talks with me, I have to remember that He is there.  He has not left me or abandoned me.  I just don’t always see the end result of what God calls me to do.  We talk, He listens, I listen, He moves me to do something, and all I see is the fog.  Sometimes I don’t know what’s on the other side of the fog either.  Not to long ago, this is what I wrote down in my quiet time with God:

               What defines you?  What dreams have I given you?  What passions have I placed deep within you, entertwined with the compossion of you?  I did not give you these passions for you to buy them. I gave come back to ask what have you done with these talents I have given you?  Do not bury you passion.  It is a GOD given gift.  My gift to you.  You are strong.  But you become weak when you block Me out of your life. 

               I love you for who you are right here and now.  But I want to be in your life all the time.  I don’t want to be a second thought.  I don’t want to be what you do last.  i want to be first.  Unburry your passion.  Unburry the gifts I have given you and trust Me.

              I’ve given you My Son to follow.  I’ve given you the Holy Spirit to guide you.  My power is available to you.  Follow Me – Pick up your gifts and follow me.  I’ll be where you are going.  I am in the beginning, the middle and end of your journey.  And I have another journey waiting and ready for you when you complete this one.  Will you follow Me?  Will you trust Me?  Will you let Me be your strength?  

 the other.  I just need to remember that He is the one who has placed these passions within me.  Oh, by the way, this conversation with God came about because I asked Him, “God, what do I need to hear from You?  What do I need to do to obey You?”  God is talking about me writing.  I had long ignored the fact He was calling me to write.  It is within me like the blood flowing through my veins. 

     I don’t like being on one side of the fog.  It is very frustrating for me to not be able to see the other side … the end result.  I’m not even sure of my own footing.  But what I do know is that God is there.  He is right with me, and if I stop worrying about all of the “what ifs”, “I can’t do that”, and “How’s that suppose to happen?”, I’ll find myself at the end of one faith journey.  God has great things in store for me, I just have to stop looking at the fog and look at God instead.

Thank You Lord Jesus for Your life and sacrifice for me. 

 

 

 

 

On the Cusp

I am on the cusp of a new life.  I can feel it deep within me, bubbling to the surface.  There are dreams/goals that are finding their way up to the front again.  As I am on this journey to lose weight I am finding who I want to be once again.  To lose weight I joined Fitness Express, saved up my money so I could then begin Total Solutions, a weight loss program offered at Fitness Express.  It is not just about losing weight.  It is about changing the thinking in my brain.  Every week I am sent “Life Success” issues to read, listen to and write about my goals.  At the same time, I am doing a study with WOW (a women’s group at my church) called Hearing the Voice of God.  And the two are converging.  “Life Success” is helping me to stop and slow down and reach deep within me to find what I really want to do with my life, while Hearing the Voice of God is refining my ability to listen and hear God’s voice within my life.

So you ask me, “Jozett, what are your goals … your dreams?  What is God calling you to do?”

Write.  Write.  Write.  It is in my writing that I connect with God.  My goal is to have a manuscript written within the next 5 years.  I want to be a speaker.  I want to do public speaking.  I’m not sure about what yet, but I know I am being called to do this.  I have love and hope and grace and strength to share with people.  I have a story to tell, and I want to tell it.  The more I pray and write and lose weight, the more I am aware that God is calling me to do and be more than I am right now.

Before when I would think about these dreams, I would be terrified and run the other way.  I am tired of being terrified.  I am tired of running away.  I want to experience the full blessings God has for my life.  This means I must take more time to be with Him, listen to Him and follow Him.  I know for some people my next statements sound silly, but here it goes.  I have used eating and my obesitiy as a way to rebel against my Father.  I was not giving HIm all of me.  I wanted control of something, and this was my control.  It’s now in His hands.

How do I know that I have given this all over to Him?  For 2 days in a row, I was handing out cupcakes, cookies and popcorn to my students.  Not once did I lick my fingers, take a bite, or try a dessert.  In the past, I would have devoured 4 or 5 of these tasty treats with my students.  In my room I have hard candy to give as treats for my students, and I do not eat them.  And guess what, I haven’t craved any of it.

This past week, I have been on the fasting phase of this program.  It is a very limited diet meant to speed up my metabolism.  My first thought when I saw this was, “I am not going to make it.”  But the thought that replaced it was, “I can do this with my eyes on God.”  In all of my prayers, I keep hearing very clearly, “Be obedient and you will be blessed.”  I am being obedient.  This time I know the blessings He has for me are more than I can even imagine.  I can feel it deep, deep within my soul.  I am no longer afraid of the dreams God has placed in my soul.  They are His dreams too.  There can be no failure when He is in charge!!