On the Cusp
I am on the cusp of a new life. I can feel it deep within me, bubbling to the surface. There are dreams/goals that are finding their way up to the front again. As I am on this journey to lose weight I am finding who I want to be once again. To lose weight I joined Fitness Express, saved up my money so I could then begin Total Solutions, a weight loss program offered at Fitness Express. It is not just about losing weight. It is about changing the thinking in my brain. Every week I am sent “Life Success” issues to read, listen to and write about my goals. At the same time, I am doing a study with WOW (a women’s group at my church) called Hearing the Voice of God. And the two are converging. “Life Success” is helping me to stop and slow down and reach deep within me to find what I really want to do with my life, while Hearing the Voice of God is refining my ability to listen and hear God’s voice within my life.
So you ask me, “Jozett, what are your goals … your dreams? What is God calling you to do?”
Write. Write. Write. It is in my writing that I connect with God. My goal is to have a manuscript written within the next 5 years. I want to be a speaker. I want to do public speaking. I’m not sure about what yet, but I know I am being called to do this. I have love and hope and grace and strength to share with people. I have a story to tell, and I want to tell it. The more I pray and write and lose weight, the more I am aware that God is calling me to do and be more than I am right now.
Before when I would think about these dreams, I would be terrified and run the other way. I am tired of being terrified. I am tired of running away. I want to experience the full blessings God has for my life. This means I must take more time to be with Him, listen to Him and follow Him. I know for some people my next statements sound silly, but here it goes. I have used eating and my obesitiy as a way to rebel against my Father. I was not giving HIm all of me. I wanted control of something, and this was my control. It’s now in His hands.
How do I know that I have given this all over to Him? For 2 days in a row, I was handing out cupcakes, cookies and popcorn to my students. Not once did I lick my fingers, take a bite, or try a dessert. In the past, I would have devoured 4 or 5 of these tasty treats with my students. In my room I have hard candy to give as treats for my students, and I do not eat them. And guess what, I haven’t craved any of it.
This past week, I have been on the fasting phase of this program. It is a very limited diet meant to speed up my metabolism. My first thought when I saw this was, “I am not going to make it.” But the thought that replaced it was, “I can do this with my eyes on God.” In all of my prayers, I keep hearing very clearly, “Be obedient and you will be blessed.” I am being obedient. This time I know the blessings He has for me are more than I can even imagine. I can feel it deep, deep within my soul. I am no longer afraid of the dreams God has placed in my soul. They are His dreams too. There can be no failure when He is in charge!!
God is so good. I went and worked out this morning and came back to weigh in on my scale, and it was down. It his me like a ton of bricks; I am being faithful to God and He is blessing me. No, it’s not just about the weight. Before the new year came, I had time to really talk with God. He made it clear that changes were going to happen in my life this year. Change is coming, be faithful.
This does not mean I sit back and do nothing and wait. No, this means I have to follow God’s plan for me. Funny thing is, it’s not always my plan. Here is what I know God wants me to do: Pray fervently, lose weight – hand over the eating to HIM, write abundantly. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am a praying girl, but He’s asking me for more of the quiet, meditative prayer rather than the rush requesting prayers. I exercise, but I have rebelled when it comes to food. I allowed food to rule over me and I was losing the battle. And of course I write, but this is writing beyond me. This is writing to share.
God is good. He wants to bless us, if we let Him. I am ready to let Him bless me even more. How about you? Will you join me at His banquet table.
Spinning into God
I love my spinning class. Yesterday I was looking down at the rotating front silver wheel of the LiveStrong stationary bike I was riding, and I realized why I felt so close to God. While I am riding, I don’t have to think. My mind thoughts begin to dissolve, and all the outworldly parts of me are stripped away. What is left is my soul ready to talk to and listen to God. I am left with no thoughts. My mind is clear. There are no worries. There is no “to do” list. It’s just me and the silver tire rolling.
It’s in the quiet that I meet and find God. He is powerful and joyful and gentle. I am surrounded by love and grace. There is nothing better than sitting at the feet of my Lord. It is in this moment I understand that I am a child of God. He loves me unconditionally. He wants to bless me. He wants me to attain what He has planned for me. And in that small quiet moment, I am ready to do all He has for me to do.
Then I am pulled back into my class, moving onto the next phase, holding onto the remenants of the still, quiet space of God. I hold onto it as I move through my day. I remind myself that God is in all that I do and don’t do. It is time that I step out and complete the tasks God has for me to accomplish. Thank you Lord Jesus for saving me and providing me grace. May I share that grace with others.